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Monday, October 8, 2012

Dating: 30's and 40 Something People Are Confused

30's and 40 Something People Are Confused
The IDEAL Magazine

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To call or not to call...that is the question. If you are in your thirties or forties and not currently married, navigating the dating scene can be a bit ambiguous. Do I call? Do I text? Do I send an email? Do I post a message on their Facebook page? Do I send them a tweet? What in the world is appropriate and what is just "doing the most?" What is even more confusing is the etiquette of the first and second communication. Is it OK for the female to call the guy, or should she wait for him to call her? Should she text him, or will he see this type of initial communication as negative? 

If you were born in the 70's or 60's, most likely, all of these new rules are a little hard to figure out. Back in the day, a guy asked a girl for her number, and he would call. Period. Then it evolved to a guy may ask a girl for her number, and she would give him the wrong number if she did not want him to call. But nevertheless, there was an exchange. The girl gave the guy "A" number, even if it were the wrong one...he was expected to call. Very simple, plain, and straight forward. Eventually we entered the era of "pagers," where women were introduced into the "contact the man first," and all hell broke loose. The game changed, and it has been a blurry line ever since. 

scene: A guy and girl meet at the grocery store. They talk for a while and seem to have plenty in common. The guy is interested and the girl is interested. They both confirm they are single and the guy asks the girl to take his number...PAUSE. One of two things is happening here. Either the guy is respecting the woman and wants to give her the control to call him or not, OR he is really not that interested in her since he did not ask for her number.  The woman accepts his number but presents her number to the man. much time should go by before either person "makes the first move" and calls? Or is it more appropriate for the first communication to be a "How are you doing?" text? Let's say two days have passed by and neither person has called or the woman sends the man a "How are you doing?" text message two days after they meet. The man responds back later in the day and the woman responds back. Now there has been a text exchange between the two. A few days go by and no exchange has occurred between the two. But they really seem to like each other. Has no further communication occurred because they are unsure who should do what, and what is ok, and what is "doing the most," at this point? Should the girl allow the guy to make the next communication? Should the guy call the girl or revert to sending a text communication? Neither person has children, nor parents in the house to consider. They both live alone (or if they have roommates, that is beside the point since the call would be on their cell phones). Does this mean that they really did not hit it off? If the girl does not call the guy back that she really is not that in to him? If the guy does not call the girl back after their text exchange, that the guy really is not interested in her?

What about social media communication? When and how much is appropriate when you are new to meeting a person? Does having so many options and forms of communication make dating in this day and age more complicated than it should be? Or does the thirties and forties generation over think everything?


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